On Being an Ex-Runner
28 Feb
I had a very reflective gym experience today. Because my batteries are dead in my camera – I thought now would be the perfect time to do an Exercise Installment on On a Lobster Placemat.
I love working out on Saturdays. This morning I woke up, went to the gym around 9:30 a.m., lifted for 20 minutes, took a step class and ran a mile – and burned 625 calories. I was so excited by the number on my HRM, I ignored how good my legs felt when I ran and how much better I can keep up in step class. I like knowing how many calories I burn (especially on days where I know I’ll be eating out), but I realized that I was losing sight of why I do what I do and how it makes me feel. I lift because of the way I feel after. I take step class because it’s so much fun. And I run because I like knowing I can travel far distances like that, on my own two legs.
I don’t talk about exercise that much on this blog. I’ve been thinking about that recently. I guess there are a couple reasons and a lot of it goes back to my days of being a runner.
In high school, I did the unthinkable for someone in my (genetically overweight/obese) family. I signed up for the cross country team. I didn’t think I’d do well at soccer, and I knew I wanted to play a sport that would challenge me. I ran all four years in high school and set my all-time PR when I was 17. I continued running in college but by my senior year, it had tapered off dramatically. When I moved down to DC, I vowed I would become a runner again.
But I really didn’t.
And I still don’t think I am a runner. And maybe that’s why I skim over it in blog posts. I haven’t run more than 6 miles in several years. I haven’t raced in four years. My average run is 3 miles, at best, and I’m much slower than I used to be. I feel like an ex-runner most of the time.
I’m not writing all this for it to be a pity party. I’m writing it because look at my attitude. (!) It’s no wonder that when my friend Katie asked if I would run a half marathon with her in May 2009, I sheepishly said, “maybe” and told her that I’d “fake-train” (meaning I’d try and run, but I wouldn’t sign up until the last minute). I still haven’t signed up for the race. And it still feels incredibly far away in terms of goals. And maybe it is. Maybe I’m setting goals that are too high for where I’m at right now. I don’t know.
My food mindset changed dramatically when I started this blog. I can finally appreciate food and use it to nourish my body. But it’s taken a while for my exercise mindset to catch up. I know if I think positively and train hard, I can succeed. But how do you get over the initial hump and start believing in yourself?
I’m not sure if I’ve come to any revelations yet about running or exercise. I just wanted to share these thoughts with you.
Hang in there, Rose – only run if you truly feel like it’s what you want to do.
Hey Rose, i can really connect to this post. i read a lot of food/exercise blogs that focus on running and go to the gym, and i really do neither. I dont consider myself an “athlete” i just consider myself active. my family is active and i love to walk dance and get outside…but i do not work out regularly.
we are all very unique-embrace it!
What a wonderful post… I’ve never been a runner, ever. I think I’ve just now found a kind of exercise I enjoy, which is HUGE! I think the food part is such a huge deal, and the exercise part will naturally follow, eventually.
You’re a rockstar no matter what
What a wonderful post… I’ve never been a runner, ever. I think I’ve just now found a kind of exercise I enjoy, which is HUGE! I think the food part is such a huge deal, and the exercise part will naturally follow, eventually.
You’re a rockstar no matter what
What a wonderful post… I’ve never been a runner, ever. I think I’ve just now found a kind of exercise I enjoy, which is HUGE! I think the food part is such a huge deal, and the exercise part will naturally follow, eventually.
You’re a rockstar no matter what
I definitely think you have the beginnings of the right mindset here. It’s really important to focus on how exercise makes you feel, because if you go into it with the mindset of how many calories you’re going to burn, or fitting into a dress or something, it’s going to feel like WORK rather than something you’re doing for the good of yourself. And you don’t have to “be a runner” to run– you are a runner by running at ALL! Only do the race if you really feel up to it though– trust your instincts!
I think sometimes I am hesitant to say, “I am a runner” (literally, I ususally say “I like to run. A lot.”) because (1) I don’t run a lot outside; (2) I don’t do a lot of races (yet); and (3) I don’t have a typical runner’s body (whatever that is). Ya know?
Does your HRM calculate distance as well?
Rose, I can totally relate to this post. I used to run, run, run. 20 half marathons, 1 full, and one 1 50K under my belt. After 8 years of nothing but hitting the roads, I've backed off in a major way. I bruised my sacrum last year and could not run for about 2 months. At first I was dying, but then I realized that life does go on, even when I can't lace up those running shoes. Now, I'm doing a lot more yoga & strength training with an occasional trail run thrown in the mix. The yoga and weights have totally transformed my body, and I no longer have to eat all those carbs for energy. I'm in a much happier place. So, it's okay if you don't run…do whatever exercise makes YOU happy.
Heather – my HRM doesn’t calculate distance, but I use the Nike iPOD system when I run outside.
I really enjoyed reading this, and I’m having trouble commenting because I definitely understand! I see blogs with people who run tons and feel like I can’t be runner unless I do that, and I just can’t run that much yet or maybe ever. I’m more of an exercise enthusiast than a runner in my mind.
i think you should sign up for the half marathon and just commit yourself now.
do you think i never feel like backing out???
you should totally sign up for that race. even if you think you’re an “ex-runner” you can still totally do it because i believe running always stays w/ you no matter what.
great post, very honest. sometimes just writing something out helps you gain some sort of insight or understanding.
there are a lot of days when i dont consider myself a runner at all, more like a jogger. i guess its just a mental thing.